Tentang Ilmu

Disclaimer: isi tulisan ini sebagian besar adalah omelan saya yang tidak tersalurkan

Jadi ceritanya tadi pagi saya baca buku tentang penempatan limbah pertambangan di dasar laut. Ada satu bab khusus yang didekasikan untuk menjelaskan bagaimana kehidupan di laut dalam, mulai dari sifat fisik, kimia, kondisi cahaya, tekanan, suhu, jenis organisme, cara mereka bertahan hidup dsb dsb. Pas baca, rasanya ngeri-ngeri sedap gitu. Sampai saat ini, kita manusia, yang sering banget ngerasa sok pinter, baru berhasil mengeksplorasi kurang dari 5% isi laut. Padahal, planet bumi kita tercinta ini, 70%nya adalah laut. Kan? Nah dari sini, saya tiba-tiba ingat juga perasaan saya kalo lagi nonton/baca acara/buku tentang luar angkasa. Saya selalu merasa, otak saya g nyampe buat bayangin apa yang ada jauh di atas sana.  Contohnya, pengumuman terbaru NASA, tentang temuan planet baru kaya bumi yang butuh waktu 11.250 tahun buat sampe sana. Kan? Terlalu mindblowing buat otak saya.

Berangkat dari campur aduknya perasaan saya tentang laut dalam dan luar angkasa, saya entah kenapa tiba-tiba juga keinget tentang interaksi saya sama beberapa orang yang sering (pengennya bilang selalu) merasa ilmu mereka adalah ilmu yang paling hebat, paling keren, paling kece, paling penting, dan paling-paling lainnya -_-.Kejadiannya macem-macem, ada yang blak-blakan langsung ngomong ilmu A g penting, tutup mata aja bisa belajarnya. Ada yang nyinyir si A g kompeten karena background ilmunya kurang mentereng. Ada yang ngenyekin orang yang komen tentang ilmu mereka yang luar biasa penting banget. Untuk kejadian yang ini, lain cerita kalo yg komen sok tau dan gmw dikasi tau, tapi innocent komen gt g perlu juga kali diserang habis-habisan, pake nyindir-nyindir ngomong ilmunya emang susah belajarnya. G kuat sis dengernya -_-

Mungkin penyebab orang yang kaya gini macem-macem juga kali ya. Ada yang mungkin karena dari sononya emang orangnya sengak dan sok pinter, ada yang mungkin karena “merasa” sudah bekerja keras dan merasa harus membawa diri sesuai dengan kerja kerasnya, ada yang mungkin karena memang merasa ilmu-ilmu lainnya secetek nyabut bulu ketek #sebelmaksimal.

Contoh paling gampang (yang pernah saya alami), anak-anak IPA (saya juga anak IPA) sok pinter yang g nganggep Manajemen itu sesuatu yang berharga untuk dipelajari. Saya esmosi dengernya. Situ pikir karena situ-situ bisa nurunin rumus fisika, ato bisa bedah manusia, jd ilmu sosial kaya manajemen g penting? Hello!! Situ pikir, perusahaan-perusahaan gede macem Unilever, Walmart, Shell, etc, kalo g dijalanin sama orang yang ngerti manajemen bakal bisa jualan? bakal bisa dapet untung? Situ bisa bikin produk, OK! pesawat terbang? mantap!! tapi bisa jualnya gak? bisa dapet uang buat modalin bikinnya gak?

Jadi maksud saya si intinya, jangan ngerasa ilmu anda ilmu yang paling penting sejagad raya. Kita ini, (iya KITA, saya dan anda sama, sama-sama manusia berkaki dua yang napasnya lewat idung ~_~) ibaratnya cuma buih-buih dilautan lepas!! Cobalah nengok ke atas masih ada jutaan bintang yang g bakal bisa kita datengin buat piknik! Coba nunduk dikit ke bawah, ada entah berapa puluh km, sampe kita bisa ketemu inti bumi. Anda yang diatas tanah, dibawah langit yang sibuk ngerasa ilmu anda sangat penting, apa masih g sadar kalo ilmu anda bukan jawaban atas segala2nya? Bisa dipake buat terbang ke Mars? Bisa dipake buat eksplorasi minyak bumi? Pernah denger integrated approach dalam mengatasi masalah? Itu gabungan berbagai disiplin ilmu. Solusi yang baik, menurut ahli-ahli, adalah solusi yang didapatkan dari pendekatan berbagai sisi dan mempertimbangkan berbagai variabel yang terlibat dalam masalah itu. Jadi butuh macem-macem ilmu bung! Kata lainnya, kerja sama!! kerja sama antar disiplin ilmu buat mecahin berbagai masalah dalam kehidupan sehari-hari kita. Situ pikir ilmu situ sendiri bisa bikin Indonesia bener? Hah -_-

Review tahun 2016

Agak udah basi si sebenernya nulis review tahun 2016 sekarang, secara ini uda tanggal berapa Januari 2017 -_-. Awalnya saya g berniat buat nulis review-reviewan. Saya pikir cukup saya simpan sendiri. Mau diapakan terserah saya. Tapi saya sadar, manusia kaya saya, lupanya jauh lebih banyak daripada ingatnya. Kalau misalnya niat saya mau menjadikan 2016 sebagai pelajaran dan evaluasi diri jadi g kesampean karena saya lupa, kan sedih juga. Jadi  saya putuskan saya akan tulis apa yang saya ingat, saya rasakan, dan pelajaran apa yang saya ambil selama 2016 kemarin.

So… 2016 was one of a kind year (dalam hidup saya). Banyak sekali event-event fenomenal (buat saya) yang terjadi sepanjang 2016. Perasaan campur aduk, macem es campur, mungkin understatement untuk apa yang saya rasakan. Air mata ngalir segentong, hati lelah, jiwa resah, badan capek adalah sedikit frasa yang bisa saya gunakan untuk menggambarkan 2016. Well karena saya memang g pintar berkata-kata si. Bahasa Indonesia saya kacau, bahasa inggris payah, bahasa sasak juga patah-patah. Kayanya saya cuma pinter berbahasa kalbu aja -_-

Tapi bukan berarti 2016 isinya yang sedih-sedih semua. I got to travel to some nice places. Went to Palembang for a friend’s wedding and to Sumbawa for some end year holiday. Both were fantastic experiences. So I shouldn’t have complained too much. Ha!! but I do love complaining? Who doesn’t? wekekekk. It is a way to relieve stress #excuse #excuse. So…. As long as it is not too much (who am I kidding? My complaint is always too much -_-).

Beberapa pelajaran berharga yang saya dapat selama 2016:

  • Real world is damn hard. Finishing master degree in a foreign country which language is not your forte is nothing compared to the hardship you have to face once you are thrown into reality!! Be prepared!
  • No matter what you do, people will always find a thing or two (or many) to talk about you (and mostly behind your back). So don’t bother! Just keep your head up and walk straight. What they say don’t determine who you area. As long as you know who you really are, you’ll be fine. Never let what they say affects you, especially your emotional state!!
  • It would be a waste of time to try changing their mind once they determine how they want to think of you. If they don’t say a thing to you, or asking clarifications directly to you, then just ignore them. To me, it is a sign that they only care of what can be gossiped about. So just focus on what really matters to you.
  • There will always be people who don’t like you. Even when you do nothing to them. They will always find a way so they could justify their dislike to you. Either you do something wrong to their close relative/friend or you offend them in the most invisible way. So again don’t bother!!
  • Be productive! Instead of wasting time dwelling with sadness over the fact that life is hard, you better do something that can help you grow as a person. This is what I didn’t do last year, I mopped too much -_- but surely 2017 will be different #semangat45
  • No one can help you but god, yourself, and parents. Never depend too much on others. Hooman tends to disappoint you. Sometimes even your parents disappoint you. In the end, you only have god and yourself. Be independent!
  • Even so, family especially parents are still where you could get the most comfort from. Therefore, just like you don’t want to be disappointed by them, try not to disappoint them too. You become who you are today because of them. They give you moreeee than whatever you could ever give them back. Also, never forget to cherish them. You don’t know until when you can be with them.

Tapi kalo diliat-liat, dipikir-pikir lagi, kedengarannya list di atas agak selfish ya. Seolah-olah semua tentang apa yang saya rasakan. Tapi sebenarnya gak begtu juga. Apa yang saya tulis diatas adalah apa yang saya rasakan tepat untuk saya lakukan setelah saya berusaha untuk menghindari kejadian-kejadian yang membuat saya merasa seperti diatas. Saya saudah berusaha dan kedepannya akan tetap berusaha melakukan yang terbaik untuk menghindari gesekan-gesekan yang tidak diinginkan. But when what u did was not enough, even when you gave your best, the list happens. Krikkkkss

Overall, as I said before 2016 wasn’t totally a bad year, there were many unfortunate events but lesson learned coming with those events were also valuable. Other than the unfortunate events as I said earlier I also experienced many fantastic moments with whom I cherish. So another important lesson, try not to complaint too much and be grateful for every chance I got. Akankah saya bisa? Ha!!

the importance of conversation

I dont know if I chose the correct word to describe what I want to say. Given my limited english vocabularies, I am very much aware that the possibilities are high.

I have been feeling so down since I came back from Sydney. I am not always down, of course. There are times I feel perfectly fine, or even extremely happy because I am home. But still, the down moments that have been with me since January, sometimes, are just too hard to ignore.

I have been thinking, why? what happened? what went wrong?

I have been feeling I am treated unfairly. I feel I have no one I can talk too. I feel friend-less. I feel lonely. When people can come to me, talk freely about their problems, who should I go to when I have enough with all this BS?

You know, listening to people’s complaints and their reasoning behind their complaints and their justification of what they say and do, it is overwhelming! Have they never thought about how I feel listening about their complaints? When the one that they complaint about is someone who is really precious to me? It’s suffocating, having to listen and witness but cant do shit because I just simply cant. because it is not something I am expected to do. Because my task is only to listen. How is it fair?

I keep thinking all this moth, why? even though I was told the reason why, I just cant comprehend it. I keep thinking why all these things keep happening in my life? I am so tired, that some times I feel like leaving home for good. Finding my own place, away from all this burden I keep carry on.

As hard as I tried to think, I just couldnt find the answer until this this evening. And the answer is we dont talk. No one talk in this house. Everybody pretend everything will be okay as time pass by. I dont know if we just really “pretend” or if we actually dont care or we think it is not a big deal. Everyone including me is so used to this way of life that we dont realize this has been eating us slowly inside. I think all of us have enough. But still we dont speak. We dont communicate our problem. And it is destroying us. And I feel like I am the only one in this house who knows too much thing I shouldn’t have known. I am the only one who have to understand everything because I am fucking the oldest. While I understand this, I still think it is unfair for me.

I am exhausted, physically and emotionally.

If we can just talk, not trying to brush of every problem happening in this house, life would be so much easier for all of us. If only.

Friend’s wedding

There are two ways you get notification of your friend’ wedding. First of course, you are notified personally by your friends. This one happen when you are close enough. Second, you are notified by others. It is good if the notification also comes from another friends. I mean a friend who is in your circle. In that sense, I think I consider myself lucky. At least I was informed by the latter option. Imagine if you found out your friend who you think you are close enough, is getting married, from strangers aka those who are not your friends. The feeling must be horrible.

Be positive!

Family and friends

So, as usual, I start writing (again) when I feel like a shit. Honestly, I wonder why I have this kind of habit? I mean, why I always want to remember shitty feelings and experiences in my life, instead of the happy ones. I guess it has something to do with the fact that when I am happy I can and willingly share it with as many people as possible. Whereas when I feel down, I dont know where should I turn my head to, who should I talk to? I dont know. I have friends. Of course. Who doesnt have friends? But as I grow older I dont know what happen. We are just not the same as we used to. Also, I think I have trust issue. LOL. This makes me sounds like a drama queen. I think what I am trying to say is I believe in my family more now. Not that I dont trust my friends. I trust them, it is just they feel so far, unreachable, that when I was at my lowest point I couldnt tell them what happened. Thus I feel like they dont care. I mean if they are my friends they should have known something is wrong with me? No? I guess I expect too much. I admit partly it is my fault. Surely.  I cant blame them though, we are moving on with our life. We just cant stuck at the same point where we were five or ten years ago. Anyway, since then, I realized that it is always family who stood behind me when I almost fall. It is family who hold me up when I cant move up. It is family who shed my tears when they fall down in the speed of Niagara Fall. It is family who always there for me, both in my happiest and shittiest moments in my life. I dont have to say anything, I dont have to explain shit, family will always be next to me. Family waits and at the end family will always hugs me no matter what. It is different with friends. You got misunderstood once you dont speak. But when no energy left to explain what happens (which also means unraveling ugly family problems), all that left is broken bond. So yeah, family will always comes first now. My number one priority.

 

First time going to jail

Yes, the title says it all!

Today I went to a jail for the first time. I have been passing that building since forever, but never I thought that I actually would step my foot on there.

The feeling was surreal as I went there to do something I’ve never imagined before. I mean I have always been curious how jail in real life looks like. I’ve been seeing enough from movies, dramas, and news how a jail looks like. But still, I need to experience it by myself to satisfy my curiosity and today I got it. Nonetheless, I never really thought that I would get a chance to come to a real jail.

Surprise? No.

Happy? I do not know

Sad? Yes. It is my family member after all. How could I not be sad?

I almost feel like life is cruel eventho I know better that I should not have that kind of thought . But the past few months have been an emotional roller coaster for me and then this month I got this kind of surprise. Like I am still thinking, is this for real? How could this be real? just HOW?

I wanna cry, scream and talk. But as always I end up being mute. I am tired.

I think I need pillows.

 

 

 

Pantai Biru

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Foto ini diambil kira-kira awal bulan lalu di Shelly Beach Port Macquarie NSW. Mungkin pantai ini salah satu yang terunik (menurut saya) di Australia. Langitnya yang biru bersih plus deretan batu-batu yang dipilokin di pinggiran pantainya, bikin saya kesengsem parah. Di hampir setiap batu di pantai ini, ada pesan/kesan dari orang-orang yang pernah datang ke sini. Awalnya saya pikir batu di pantai ini semacam love bridge di Paris atau Melbourne, tapi ternyata enggak. Pesan/kesan yang ditulis di batu-batu ini gak sebatas tentang cinta-cintaan aja. Ada yang tentang mengenang orang yang sudah meninggal, ada yang tentang persahabatan, ada pula quote-quote favorit orang yang pernah singgah di sini. Perpaduan antara batu-batu berwarna-warni dengan langitnya yang super biru, bikin saya betah banget leyeh-leyeh di pantai ini

Post ini disertakan dalam Turnamen foto Perjalanan ronde 57 di sini http://www.linasasmita.com/2015/02/turnamen-foto-perjalanan-ronde-57.html