So, as usual, I start writing (again) when I feel like a shit. Honestly, I wonder why I have this kind of habit? I mean, why I always want to remember shitty feelings and experiences in my life, instead of the happy ones. I guess it has something to do with the fact that when I am happy I can and willingly share it with as many people as possible. Whereas when I feel down, I dont know where should I turn my head to, who should I talk to? I dont know. I have friends. Of course. Who doesnt have friends? But as I grow older I dont know what happen. We are just not the same as we used to. Also, I think I have trust issue. LOL. This makes me sounds like a drama queen. I think what I am trying to say is I believe in my family more now. Not that I dont trust my friends. I trust them, it is just they feel so far, unreachable, that when I was at my lowest point I couldnt tell them what happened. Thus I feel like they dont care. I mean if they are my friends they should have known something is wrong with me? No? I guess I expect too much. I admit partly it is my fault. Surely. I cant blame them though, we are moving on with our life. We just cant stuck at the same point where we were five or ten years ago. Anyway, since then, I realized that it is always family who stood behind me when I almost fall. It is family who hold me up when I cant move up. It is family who shed my tears when they fall down in the speed of Niagara Fall. It is family who always there for me, both in my happiest and shittiest moments in my life. I dont have to say anything, I dont have to explain shit, family will always be next to me. Family waits and at the end family will always hugs me no matter what. It is different with friends. You got misunderstood once you dont speak. But when no energy left to explain what happens (which also means unraveling ugly family problems), all that left is broken bond. So yeah, family will always comes first now. My number one priority.